My trial has been delirious, I have failed and resented my flesh and my insufficiency. I have blamed others for my shortcomings, I have looked for an escape, a rabbit hole to flee the burden of responsibility that is the demand of finances and fiscal responsibility, to be content in a time of trouble and lack.
For a time, there was a relief, things were passable. I had enough to afford certain luxuries, my bills were paid, yet there was little excess. Of the remaining excess I struggled to find acceptable outlets, giving to others was always foremost in my directives. I never withheld a benefit to someone who asked or had offered me their friendship. Psalm 23:1 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
Now I have entered a new season, this season has been challenges. I have seen the people whom I gave everything turn on me and resent me. The people whom I presented myself to and served have despised me and hated me. I am trusting in King Jesus for deliverance from this new season of trial.
No doubt, the era of covid has been a curse and scourge on humanity. Judgment from the enemy, a people rife with pleasure thrown into chaos. Only the wealthy and the dishonest being given superiority and an excuse from the misery, righteous judgment from God wouldn't have been so cruel to the lowly and poor.
I love the generosity of the few who have stuck by me in my time of trouble, I resist the temptation to be harsh towards those who have pulled back. I want to be a knight in shining armor for my wife and deliver her from the wiles of the enemy, but alas it is not I who has the hero's sword, I am but a servant of the mighty deliverer. Of his name will I forever be humbled and subservient. I hope to never again liken myself to a man of means or ability. It is not of my might or intellect that my deliverance will come.
Romans 8:3-4 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
